Accurate Always Call Center Recording Blog by Kate Haley

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3 posts from April 2009

Torture Memos: Just hum a few bars and you're a marketing genius!

Apr 09


I have been thinking about the extreme importance of zigging where they zag, doing where they dolt, and marketing the hell out of it all. And, babe, let me tell you, it ain't easy to sell a concept that is still in Alpha, or worse, when the concept is so young that it's still learning the alphabet. Yet, whatever stage company, or product rev, you are in, it really all comes down to creativity and feeling. And sometimes a little musical intervention.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let me better identify the role of a marketer. Strangely, folks still confuse marketing with selling. While the two should be comfortable sharing a sandwich now and then, they still have their own houses to keep in order. 

Get this: marketers take products to, you guessed it, market. They throw a lot of weight around and determine price, placement, positioning, market segmentation, how to make their numbers look better for VC pitches, and do many other Very Important Things.

Sales aces let marketing kick the leads in and work within given product launch plans, break new accounts and are the natural schmoozers. They generally range from the "Heroes for the customer class!" or "Just plain used car annoying"  in the Ninja Success Spectrum, or the "NSS" as we like to affectionately call it here.

Marketeers are my favorites, at least until some sales guy sends me a convincing tee-shirt (hint: size sm, color black), so let's talk about the art of marketing some more. 

Now, there are often opportunities to find new ways of looking at things and educating your market as such. Take waterboarding. You could sell on the entertainment side but it's still going to get messy and the message muddled. (Trust me, I know: I had similiar challenges when doing contract gigs years ago, but I was young and needed the money....) But, now, I can say with 100% confidence that this is a perfect example of where a little jingle clears up an uncomfortable memo. 

Take it away Jonathan Mann! And, by all means, hire this guy for any major product launch campaign, customer-facing torture projects or the neighbor's kid's birthday party.

Lunar cycles and killing spree connection in common ninja behavior?

Apr 09


I've felt like howling all day. Is it the work? Is it thinking about startups? Is it a intense, deeply personal issue that needs years of therapy? Who knows.

I think it's the moon. My theory is that ninjas have to be bad sometimes. Possibly, like me, all will use any excuse for bad behavior, especially one that involves werewolves (or zombies, for that matter.)

Of course, a sample size of one, while convenient, is a bit sparse. So, I'm openly testing and polling to data mine and support evaluate my theory that moon phase X = increased ninja activity. See below, comment or drop me a line if blood feuds are on the rise in your organization at a given lunar stage.

Business Gurus & Bungholes

Apr 09


or when the Cornholio is the message: here's what they won't tell you about the man who can save us all.

Fig 1: Cornholio does commerce rightCornbil

Ain't venturing forth grand? If you are still considering a career in sleepless nights, here's to full disclosure and eventual salvation!

First, know that you'll eat, sleep, dream and occasionally have nightmares about your venture. Marketing will elude the best of us sometimes and a company can lack focus. This is all a normal part of starting up and these dreams, like the poor, will always be with you. But, you will find allies along the way. I'm here to introduce you to mine.

The single biggest influence in my life has been a great man. An animated man. A Cornholio man.  If you're crazy enough to startup, get to know your inner cornhole.

Incase you haven't made his acquaintance, Cornholio is the hyper, high-strung, intensely focused go-getter from Beavis and Butthead. Cornholio is Beavis' alter ego. But, more importantly to succeed, know that Cornholio is you.

At first, you may be focused on finding TP for your bunghole. That drive will get you moving (yuck, not that way) and you will find that you are changing. You may feel stronger, more assured and like it's just automatic. You will simply learn how to do the job/rule the world by not thinking about it- atleast not all the time. 

But you can't stop there. Once you do acquire the TP, you may have already noticed that the world is more vast than you could have imagined. There really are more sugary treats to be had. Despite the number of converts you have, never lose sight of the fact that Cornholio knows not compliancy.  Beavis' drive is multi-threaded. Never underestimate the value of cornering the crapaschino market. And all markets. (Hint: you better be doing this in tandem to stay ahead of the other animated critters.)

Above all, remember that belief, and Jolt cola, are the two most powerful allies to have in your corner. And never forget: "the streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!" Cornholio doesn't.

But, don't take it from me. Learn from the Great.

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