1 posts categorized "cars, aircraft and other vices"

Because I Have Issues

I think I have issues. Not like Jira caliber issues but not entirely unlike Woody Allen's.

Picture a night, make that tonight: It's time for a supply run (candy, soda, equal sweeter, more candy) at the local market here. We're looking at another long night at work and I want to make sure that we stay awake revel in it.

It's a nice night, a bit blowy, but the waves are slapping some sea lions silly and we're pretending we're pirates. Ok, only I'm pretending I'm a pirate. Just call me Salty Kate.

In fact, I'm in such a stellar mood that I turn over my keys to zee company car to Yousef, our CTO at Accurate Always. That's when the trouble starts.

I like, make that love, cars. Not very chick, but we're not talking hot rods, and I'm not that concerned if the paint matches my lip gloss. My pride and joy is my 1973 Mercedes Benz 220D "Troddle the Tractoria," who has roughly 3,800,573.5 (or something) miles on her. She's camera shy but you can meet her younger, bigger cousin here. I'm proud to report that Troddle is still dieseling along. A semi did take a bite out of her rear end- when no one was in her- last year but she's always got eternal moxie.

Dear Reader: if you know one hell of a body shop, please comment? She's also due for a dip and repaint. Yes, this all will cost way, way more than she's worth. In money, that is. But, there's always an opportunity cost in any investment/love affair. And, that cost can't be at the expense of taking her up to 90mph in a mere 13 minutes.

Alas, Troddle is a slacker post semi truck, so I've been open to driving a much, much faster Benz. I've been so selfless that I've volunteered to scope out new areas for, um, Accurate Always' expansion in this Mercedes 2008 CLK. My wanderings last took me to Shelter Cove on the Lost Coast of Northern California. This looks like a very promising location- of course- and one that I will have to investigate more to make a thorough report back to the company. There may even be- gasp!- Gantt charts, as Accurate Always also picks up gas and Red Vines.

Let me tell you, all they say about that road getting in to Shelter Cove is true. I'd avoid it at all times, especially if you are slow driver ahead of me. I'm trying to break mach* around the hairpin turns.

But, I'm no Yeager and this ain't no Bell X-1. Honestly, so far I'm just idling, kinda like the next guy:

(Ah! About our work! Actually, our little Voxida records test flight data for the F35 JSF Project. Pretty sweet, eh?)

But back to the wheel: Yousef is tearing up, doing 37 mph, on the way to the New Leaf market. I'm all nerves, and press on pedals that tragically our not on the passengers side, while I wedge myself between my nicely heated seat and unsolicited advice. It's pretty tense, and he senses it. He looking at me like I'm nuts- and get this- he takes his eyes off the road! Enough is enough. The advice cometh.  I mean, he wants  needs it.

I hear that I'm a pain in the ass to work with too. That's why I'm naming myself Employee of the Month. I mean, what's the hold-up here?

*Note: I've never been part of an accident and I'm an otherwise upstanding citizen who brushes and flosses religiously.

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